Loss

 Lexi passed away yesterday. He wasn't technically mine but I loved him nevertheless.

It was the second time in my life I tried unsuccessfully to save someone's life and failed.

Lexi's death brings back painful memories of losing my mother and feeling worthless.

What is the point of being?

The rational part of my brain tells me my mom and lexi were dying for a while and nothing I could have done would've have halted the process.

But my brain as is wouldn't let me be.

So wouldn't the people around me guilting me, telling me I could've done more or that I did not do enough.

These days I wish my heart is as weak as theirs was so I could join them too. And tamil. My baby.

How do I grieve ?